Mom: Hurry up and set this computer up.
Me: I will come down when my work is done, what do you want to do with the computer anyway?
Mom: I will play computer.
Mom: You know, play computer, you do that every day!
Yes! You read that right, and to top it off, she’s a typical Asian mother.
“You got 95%? Good, but I’m sure you’re not the highest in your class”
That was 1st grade.
My mom is the type of person who doesn’t believe in holding grudges. That, roughly translates to, she will take no action when harm is done to her. Instead she will store it in the back of her mind and remove it out at the most embarrassing and humiliating situation for the other person. That person prefers to drown in ‘chullu bhar paani’ after she has spoken to her relief.
Me: “But, most of the students in the class did not even pass the test, at least I did, and with a pretty good score.”
Mom: “Don’t compare yourself with other kids; your competition should be with yourself.”
And at some other point:
Mom: “You aren’t the highest scorer in your class?”
Me: “No, I am not the highest scorer in the class, but you told me not to compare myself with anyone. So I’m doing pretty good than I did last time.”
Mom: “Don’t you dare back answer me!”
I’m sure every mom is handed a book of quotes, same for every mom, different dialect maybe.
Day 1: “In our days we were so active, girls nowadays are of no use.”
Day 2: “Do I look like a fool to you? I get up early every morning to make your tiffin, and you get it half back? Just because you were feeling a little uneasy? Eat that whole thing right now!!”
Day 3: “You’re going out wearing that?” That’s code for strip that cloth off of you, and wear something that shows only your eyes.
Day 4: “If we were given the chance at such education, I would’ve topped the whole university.”
And that comes from the lady who can’t save a file before going through all the options on the toolbar. A million times!
Don’t even get me started on the superstitions! Oops, too late.
“Don’t cut your nails at night. Don’t rub your nails together.”
“Don’t pluck flowers at night, they’re sleeping.”
“Don’t grind your teeth, don’t sit like that, don’t do that……”
And you haven’t even heard the ‘or else’ part
“Or else, your son will be born with more than four limbs, you’ll get an ugly husband, no mother will be ready to marry her son to you….”
She tells me jokes which aren’t funny (I laugh nonetheless), and she thinks mine are too mean. Someone lacks a sense of humor and it’s not me.
Also she has a huge problem with my diet (I shouldn’t gain more weight according to her). If it’s anywhere in the range of two hours before dinner, my mom seems genuinely disturbed if I’m having a snack, even if just a slice of cheese. It doesn’t matter a lick to her that I’m starving to death. Only that I’ve “spoiled dinner”. And she serves me rice, rice and only rice for dinner; “Perks” of being a south Indian.
I hate shopping, she knows that well. I wander off when she’s busy discussing why her choice of sari doesn’t come in a blood orange color. What is blood orange anyway? It’s either red or orange! I stutter off from that place even faster.
After her really heavy argument with the shopkeeper (she’s really good at bargaining, inherited by every Indian mother), she will call out my name and come searching for me here and there, like I’m some puppy who’s lost. And she finds me outside the shop; I’m always outside the shop.
The torture doesn’t stop there; I’ve been told by almost everyone that I look so much like her. Guess what she does with that fact? -Forces me to try on the saris for her, because we don’t have time for her to try all of them, and well, I’m just so bloody jobless.
My mother will ask me to ask dad whether we could go out for dinner, because he’ll melt only with my stupid face and my mom is too lazy to cook dinner that day. It’s like a telephone thing between them which I haven’t signed up for.
But all said she still is the person I would go to if there is any problem. From the smallest issue, like a bee stinging me, to a huge problem like a fight with my best friend, she will be there. She’ll obviously take my best friend’s side, but she’ll listen. She will listen to whatever I have to say.
She covers my mistakes in front of dad, takes scolding on behalf of me, and has truly sacrificed a lot for me. We’ve fought more times than we’ve spoken normally. And not just any small, mother-daughter fights but huge, trust issue, ‘hate you’ kind of fights.
She is crazier than I can ever explain in words, but hey, that’s where I get those genes from.
And even if sometimes she wishes I weren’t born, (she has told me that btw, nothing serious, just a friendly glass breaking fight), or when I wish I was adopted and my real family would come to take me, I want her to know that I love her a lot. And what’s a relationship as pure as a mother-daughter with no ups and a lot of downs?
Btw, she says she loves me too. *proud*
We’ll do the “My dad is crazy” next time. There’s too much on that platter.